


****

by SnowSetAfire



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-15 09:25:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17526098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowSetAfire/pseuds/SnowSetAfire
Summary: "You're just thinking about how much you want to **** 2B, aren't you?"





	1. Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I'll write more as I think of scenes for interesting four-letter verbs that aren't "fuck" or "kill", or they are suggested to me.

Initializing... ... ...

WARNING Memory cores corrupted. Attempt repair? Y/N  
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~~~

"Wow, that's a long ladder." 9S said, looking up its rusted length. It was so tall he could barely make out the end of it. "I'll go first, 2B. Who knows what's at the top of this building."

9S hopped on the first rung and began climbing, with 2B following close behind. 9S smiled to himself, waiting to see if 2B would speak up.

"9.... ass."  
"What's that?"  
"9S, are you not wearing pants?"  
"No ma'am. My calculations indicate that the increase in speed and thermal regulation efficiency more than offset the loss in defense metrics. Must be why combat models don't wear them, huh?"  
"Combat models have leotards. You're not wearing anything." she shot back. 

2B gulped. Her systems indicated an increase in core temperature. Her eyes were locked on his... junk. It stared her down as it swung lazily left and right between his skinny legs with each step up the rungs. Humans were strange. Why would they call it 'junk', but still see fit to equip an extra appendage on a scanner model android?

"Is it much further?" 2B asked impatiently.  
9S stopped climbing. "We're only a third of the way up. Looooong way to go. Is something wrong?"  
"Are you enjoying this or something?"  
"Of course not. 'Emotions are prohibited,' right?" 9S lied. His systems indicated something was abnormal. Emotional or not, there was something exhilarating about exposing himself to 2B. Without lifting a finger or saying a word, he had made her his in an intimate way. He had debased and exalted her at once. 2B could look down or to the building walls around her, but she could not un-see what 9S had exposed her to. 9S continued climbing the ladder.  
"But it is nice and airy. You should try it, 2B."  
There was a slight pause in conversation before 2B answered, “Isn’t it cold?”  
“No, not at all! Why’d you think that?”  
“It just…” 2B looked up again, “…Looks like it’s cold.”  
“Thermal regulation efficiency.” 9S grumbled.

Their climb continued. There was about a third of the ladder left when 2B spoke again.  
“…Ass, uh, 9S. So, you haven’t told 21O about this, have you?” she said, more as a statement than a question.  
“Well, uh, no. It’s still calculations. I need data before I upload to the bunker.”  
“And you’re going to get combat data climbing a ladder?”  
“We don’t know what’s up here yet. Could be some nasty machine. We could kill it.”  
The top of the ladder lead to an old I-beam and a chasm, across which was a door outside. There were no machines at all to kill, to 9S’ disappointment. Just a fancy long table with candelabras and two chairs.  
“Nothing here.” 2B remarked.  
“I wouldn’t say nothing. It’d be a nice place for a date. Like one of the old human romances.” 9S replied. He looked around and spotted something shining on the table. A pair of glasses. He picked them up and put them on his face.  
“Whattaya think, 2B?” 9S asked, brushing back his hair rakishly.  
“It’s better than the ribbon, but you still look foolish.”  
“…Ass.”


	2. Ship

9S closed his message inbox. He had a terrible sinking feeling. 21O had given him two reprimands. The first was for maintaining an uncontrolled data chip. This had been uploaded to the Bunker’s databases. The second was for improper storage of YoRHa property, as the chip was found hidden underneath 9S’ bed. He wanted to self destruct, but that seemed like a bad idea when he and 2B were still in the Resistance camp for maintenance.  
“Why did you name these folders like they have their own subfolders?” 2B asked.  
“What?”  
“6O sent me a data chip she said you haven’t uploaded properly. Why is it all, ‘2B slash 9S’, ‘2B slash 6O’, ‘2B slash Jackass‘, ‘2B slash—'”  
“Y-yeah! That’s combat simulation data, ha ha. Never know who you might need to fight one-on-one. Kind of.” 9S said quickly, “But it’s highly, um, theoretical. Very highly. You should just hand that chip over to me, don’t bother looking at it.”  
2B had already opened up a random file within the largest folder, “2B / 9S”.  
“’Oh, Nines, you saved me!!1! How can I thank you!!!?’ 2B said, her cerulean blue orbs glistening with desire. She reached down and--’” she read aloud. 2B stopped suddenly and closed the file. Just to be sure, she opened another file in a different folder. It was worse. “You can keep them. They are extremely ‘theoretical.’”  
9S took his data chip back, blushing furiously. When he checked to make sure everything was still in place, he went pale.  
“2B, where are the other folders?”  
“Other folders? Oh, the ones that were about the twins or the Commander. I forwarded those to them when 6O sent me the files.”  
2B’s jaw went slack with sudden realization. “It’s all lewds, isn’t it?” she asked.  
9S nodded.  
Across the yard, Popola shot her desert rose liquor out her nose.   
The strange Resistance woman stared down 9S with eyes like saucers.  
Both 9S and 2B’s communications channels exploded with urgent calls from the Commander.  
“Shit.”


	3. Boop

A strong desire had been burning inside 9S ever since their last journey to the Forest Zone. Seeing what 2B had done—and take pictures for!—for the sake of her Operator 6O had been on his mind nonstop. If he could touch 2B like that, if he could make that same sort of smile cross her face… And now 6O had sent them back for 2B to do the same thing once more. The first time had been for baby boar. 9S had never thought that he could become so enamored with 2B’s interaction with the piglets. Now 6O wanted pictures of 2B and kittens. At last, 9S could bear it no more.  
“Wait, 2B! Can you turn around for a sec?”  
2B did so. “What is it, 9S?”   
9S reached out and touched 2B on the tip of her nose. “Boop!”


End file.
